What are we doing in this Place

WEll I have surfaced again. Been busy as usual. Rainfurrest was both fun and profitable enough to do again. I like meeting old friends and making new ones. It's like I haven't seen some folks in 6 or 7 years and they pop up. Nice.

Working on FC art and a few other art things, commissions, etc.
The weather has been so nice I want to be out in it as long as possible when I get home.

Old Man Winter is coming soon.

The Cat, because the cat teaches me to be happy with your lot in life, relax don't worry the house isn't on fire so don't go all upset, tomorrow is another day or you can take a nap and start all over again on the same day. Learn to play and get as many hugs as you can during your day, and a warm lap at night. Take it this way, don't take life so seriously and enjoy the hugging closeness of others.

I was wondering, is Face Book better than Live Journal or just different? I know the interface is a little different. I just find I cannot handle having too many blog sites to manage. But is Live Journal becoming old style or yesterday's way of doing things? Or is it still relevant? I like the clean look to it myself.

Well after putzing around with Dreamweaver this web site gonna take longer than I had hoped. I am going to have to go through the book some more just get how Dreamweaver works. Yikes. I am a bit tired of learning at times. Oh well.

Oh what a day. I read the entire web design 2.0 and the 9 basic design rules of web design. I think I am getting a grasp on how to do this. I think for 2009 I am going to be painting and web designing. I feel a bit overwhelmed with all that I have seen on the web today. Studying so many sites and designs is really educational. But what to do for me? There are things I wish to do with my site but can't do yet because I don't have those skills. Darn. I will do a simple but nice site for now and build later, unless anyone has any interest in helping me. I do want you all to look at it to see how the site works, if it works, etc. Later, when I get it up. Right now I am designing bare bones stuff just to see how it works, the hyperlinks etc. Get the dynamics working first then get the images up. I have color ideas in mind and layouts in mind too.

Paul, don't worry. I am learning how to be me, walk that line of what and who I am. I have been asking myself for 2 years now, who am I and where do I belong? Am I an illustrator, painter, fine artist, graphic designer, and who is MONIKA? I am not going to give up myself to become a slave to someone else's needs. No I will ask for what I need, work for what I want and will attain it, and give to others when I can. I lost sight of my goals for a while. I didn't know what they were. I pushed so hard to get a big house with land that after attaining it I felt a bit lost. Whoops, forgot to make further goals. And my health took such a weird downturn that I had to deal with that first. Can't do much hurting.

Some of this was spurred on with my working through some life issues that were holding me back. I had to figure out why I was having such inner anxiety in my soul and when I looked it was icky. Black and tarry like. I had to look at my entire life, what had happened to mold me that way and I didn't like a vast amount of what I was viewing. Geez can you imaging being in heaven and they roll in a screen and say, "here's your life what do you think of it?" I said to myself, "this is NOT what I had planned in some areas of my life, change it now!!!"

I received this CD of a psychologist doctor and we had to list the 10 most influential moments of our childhood in the first CD and I DID NOT like what I saw. All 10 where awful depressing events that molded me. I had to think about it. Then I asked my brother about his because he did the same thing and we matched in the depressing 10 pivotal moments that actually destroyed our childhoods. I didn't feel so lonely. But it made me start to make changes and care about myself much more than I have. I just learned from my brother's wife that he has had the same problems I have with life. A doctor I spoke to told me I was on her top 10 list of worst childhoods. It is amazing I did not just give up and destroy myself.(there were times...) But I kept having hope.

So I am on the mend on all fronts, feel in command of my life again and am walking toward my destiny. I am in the top 10 percentile of people taking charge of where they are going. It takes effort and time and determination and most don't want to do that. It hurts to see the pain of your past and how much of a jerk you have been at times to others. But you can always improve and that is my life plan. Get off your butt and get going has been my motto of late.

So no I will not become a carpet at a job, I may be a bit lost at times since I have been a loner artist, we have this problem we all talk of among ourselves. You work in your private studio all day, usually alone and don't get as much people contact or interaction. We can get lopsided in our interactions with others and miss some cues. Joining groups helps a lot to combat this in our profession.

Has anyone used a coach to help them with their personal appearance, style and way of doing things? I am considering getting a little help with this and wondered what to look for in a coach.

Thanks very much Vickifox and Darrel for helping with this web information. I was feeling a bit frustrated at school asking about design, thoughts and ideas and what works and even my illustrator teacher who also teaches the web classes bemoaned the lack of design in our classes. I find I have to do this at out side study, something I am noticing most of my classmates don't do. Most don't seem to see beyond the classroom. But me, I have always had to learn things through books or on the internet and get myself updated on subjects. Wow! I can research!!

Haha, but anyway, I have been looking the http://webdesignfromscratch.com/web-2.0-design-style-guide.php site and it has really helped!! The more I read the better I can think how to design my site. Simplicity is best, show off the art, and get the visitors to the goodies ASAP.

I have also been listening to recordings on how to be a good employee and team mate. These things weren't taught to me in my beginning years. I don't know why. Maybe I was too young to find the info or maybe things got a little better in the colleges in how to help the new student and those retraining and returning to the workforce to better act as good employees.

When I began college women were just beginning to get higher positions in the work force and we didn't exactly know how to behave. Like men all tough and take charge? ( not putting you fellas down but you do have a different style at work) Or do we find our tough but feminine ways of doing things? I was very frustrated working with the Sgt.Major type women who thought being hard and nasty was the way to be toward everyone, or the lady bosses I have had that constantly threaten your job if you don't do this or that (subject to change every week)till you wonder if it is your job at all.

I know college is the place to fall on your face and try stuff but I will say this... I tried to network with my co students and learn something about them. I was trying to walk in everyday as cheerful as I could muster even though I was so overloaded with work. There were a couple of days I was not so fun and sounded off a bit. But I readjusted pretty well. I tried to get to know all the students in some personal way, even if it was just Hi how's life today? But trying to network seems a lost art or an unlearned one. I know the value of knowing others and their strengths helps you when you need to call on someone and they can in return call on you. I don't know if you take classes in this but I am researching that now.

Unfortunately I heard a lot of whining, or saw a lot of slacking in class. I thought to myself I need to be a little bit better than these others to get that job in my future or to take the path I am formulating for my future goals. Look like a pro, act like one and get things done. And as hard as it was I got my work done at a higher level than most. Not bragging, just noticed after viewing all the finals how poor most were.Perhaps I have the advantage of having some experience laying out pages in the past too. And I study a lot!

Thanks for all the info. Most of this I am learning in school. Today you have to design for the blind, legally blind, hearing impaired, for small hand held items and large browsers. Yep Firefox is taking over. Right now I am reading the Zen of CSS book and every other chapter talks about support problems with IE. I really don't like to work on Windows, it has so many unneccessary bells and whistles and I have to turn off a lot of junk or be careful what I download, so many apps are predatory and want to take over my browsers or desktop half the time.

I do have Dreamweaver CS3 and I am not jumping up to CS4 yet because the school doesn't have it and it's different.

I get to learn about CSS this term. I PHP after that. I hope that stays a standard but I don't count on it. Xhtml is a bit beefier I think if I understand that better. Not sure what XML does yet. I am trying to get all these figured out by reading a lot. I will probably know a lot by the end of winter semester and spring will help even more.

As for animations I meant an animated icon for live journal. I just want to animate my icon or make a new animated one. Better get to it.

Yes using pixels now and defining them works better.

What EXACTLY is a div tag? I know it is a holding box for content but not sure why Dreamweaver makes them in the tables layouts.

Is there a good page for Web 2.0 standards to read through and refer too?

Yes things have REALLY changed in web design and I feel a little nervous. But one step in front of the other helps. The problem is in college now you are supposed to know this and print too. Both are very different and have different needs and they want us to know is all now. I don't think this is possible and any work place that wants you to know it all is expecting too much. It takes a lot of study to understand web design today and a lot to understand the print media aspects, like don't screw up the doc set up for pantone inks and paper selection.

There is a whole job industry now on correcting files so they print correctly. You really don't get what you see on the screen and have to test proof and adjust your files. Ugh.

I also understand that your site will be designed depending on what the content and purpose is. That is why I have been researching other artists web sites to see what they do. And they are different depending on what they show and how they display it. What the need is. I don't like a lot of drop downs and bells and whistles and such, and I really hate Enter pages. I'm here, just show me the stuff please!

Thank you so much for the input. I may ask questions periodically because this is a high learning curve again. I thought Illustrator was a bear, whoo!

I wanted to ask a few things about web design.

First do I need to make an animated gif or flash icon animation for a moving icon avatar like the ones I see on the postings here? You know like blinking or snow falling kinds of things in these icon images.

Web design is getting really complicated to learn. What are the most common things needed to make good, clean, fast loading web pages? I have Dreamweaver and we are learning html/css in about a week. Got all my free programs and books now.

I want to do well at this. I am also designing my new web site since mine sucks.

Feeling better sure helps when you want to do things in life. So glad I got that appendix removed. I bounce back a bit better too from all the colds and flus around here.

Also is Perl a CGI scripting language or java script? What is good to learn? I am really frustrated because what I have found is that now they want graphic designers to be both super artist who can kick out a killer logo or cool art for whatever need, lay out a book or catalogue and then turn around and be the most up to date web designer ever. I think this is too much.

I just got a catalogue from the Savannah College of Art and Design. I wish I could go there. But I think I will have to go with "Monika's basement easel get down there and paint school".

I have made some New Year's Resolutions this week.

Here are a few I have solidified so far

I will speak and write in the most positive manner I can. When school makes me nuts I won't complain, too much. I will try to find the more positive solution with a good attitude.

I will be more organized and careful of how I manage my time.

I will keep my body in shape and not let stress eating overtake me, again.

I will study the Art of Happiness.

I will focus on what is most important to my life, my family and friends, and my career. That is, I will try to more conscious of what I am doing and not over work myself again.

I will use spell checker for all my postings. I noticed I was misspelling a lot of my words because I was in a hurry and tired when posting.

I deleted all my negative school postings because they needed to go.

I have been working all week trying to chop the ice from our drive way and that's a real workout. I have been dumping things that are no longer important to me, I am getting rid of stuff again and papers especially. I am letting go of an old life and moving to the new one I want. That means dumping stuff from my life and maybe unfortunately letting go of some people in my life that never respond to my emails, letters or phone calls. Or the really negative folks that want to attach themselves to me. I find that actually happens! No life of their own I guess.

I hope the New Year blesses all of you and for your better welfare!

I do not want anyone in their 20's to think I am looking down on that age group. I am just noticing something interesting. Usually when you get past 29 or so you become a comfortable person. I am just wondering why our classes seem to have so many slow, mumbly, grumpy youngsters. Maybe it's our weather. Maybe having responsibility early in life some years ago is what made baby boomers really productive. I am not a boomer but I learned a lot watching them. I wanted to get ahead too. You gotta sell yourself in art and if you mumble your name and look depressed no one will beleive you can do the job.

So for all you whipper snappers with a real head on shoulders here's to YOU!!

New family member! Before we went to South Carolina we took some DNA samples in of our kitty Franklin and had his clone made. Ain't he cute! Ok just kidding!! We found this little fellow at the humane society and he is just perfect for our household. He is the spittin' image of Franklin. We named him Benjamin. Why not Benjamin and Franklin are names that are connected. He has the nicest sweetest personality just like Franklin did. This kind of cat is an all around great cat type personality and is just super friendly. Right now he has a raging head cold and he was neutered when we adopted him so he is really feeling crummy and crabby. Lots of lap time for him.


He had a companion that came home with us too. My hubby said, "why not get two?" I wasn't sure but she melted me so I said yes. So Mollie came home with us too. She doesn't have a cold. Our other kitties are slowly warming up to them so hopefully it will be good!




And also I have been working in oils and this is a self portrait I am fooling with. Sorry it is a bit reddish but I tried to work out the over reds but that isn't too easy. Camera did what is wanted. But anyway I am learning alot. It is not finished yet. I am really into portraits right now to see if I can do them better.

Ok I was REALLY tired when I wrote that last entry and I thought is sounded a bit meandering.

The Hurricaine Hanna missed us. We landed in Charleston and it rained the next day. Just lots of warm rain. I sat outside under the covering patio and wrote in my journal, in a T shirt. It was so strange to us to feel warm rain being from Seattle. We are so thankful that Ike went south but we feel sorry for the folks down in the gulf states.
Charleston floods, even if it rains a tiny bit. It is a sea level town and people freak when they think their homes and businesses will flood. I would too. The students took it in stride and wore rubber flood walker boots and used umbrellas, with mini skirts or shorts and tiny t shirts.
Everyone did fine.
The locals are so conservative looking it felt like living in the 1970's again. No dyed hair, a couple of people had tatoos, no weird hair styles, no weird clothes, no uniqueness for the most part. Just light clothing and flip flops or sandals. I met an artist who said he had to cut off his mohawk to look respectable or he wouldn't be taken seriously. Another fellow said the same about his hairstyle, weird hair, no job, and his girlfriend gave up her magenta dyed hair. Why were they there? Military kids. They hadn't left yet.
We stayed in Mt. Pleasant, there are NO mountains anywhere to be seen. That area is as flat as a pancake. Light green, dark green, and sky. Lots of sky, pretty clouds though. Mt. Pleasant is a suburban area of planned neighborhoods mostly gated or semi gated, or you just go in and come out the same way. Very protected. 99% caucasian. It felt strange to us. These people are all mostly northerners and have an attitude that is difficult to like. They are better than everyone else kind of feeling. I guess that is how it is in D.C. and N.Y. and such.
There is definately a color line here. The town is divided into 2/3 white folks and 1/3 black folks, with maybe an asian here and there. And very few people from Mexico. There is a strange feeling of distance between these two groups. I asked about it and found that it is a left over from the old days of slavery and it's aftermath. Everyone is polite and says Ma'am and sir and Miss. I haven't heard Miss Mawnika in years since I left Texas as a kid. All the black folks seem to do the labor work, yard work, construction work, and a few were in suits but I didn't that many. It really feels stratified there. This was very difficult for us Westerners. We haven't had such strong demarcations in our lives unless you live in a few places that are like that.
Seattle, Portland, and the Californian cities seem a bit more mixed. But the politeness there was palpable. We felt like we landed in planet polite. That was nice in a way.
The art scence is very very conservative. Tradional and not that imaginative from what we saw in the French quarter. Tourism keeps that area going mostly. If you want a painting of hunting dogs or horses or stodgy looking people go there!
The weather was HUMID and HOT. It was so hard to deal with for us we drank water like crazy and sort of dragged ourselves around. You don't move fast. We went to the U.S.S. Yorktown aircraft ship museum and Dave totaled his shirt with sweat. He looked like someone threw a bucket on him. They kept pointing out the drinking fountains for us. Cool place to visit though.
The food was ok, they are getting away from deep fried finally. Very little in Mexican or Italian and we found ourselves seeking out comfort food, sushi.
Next installment, the plantation and Gullah people.

I cannot believe it, we are about to board a plane and head to Hurricaine country. I want to be in sun and may get to see IKE up close and personal! Maybe Hanna too. Geez. Maybe living on the west coast is better? Just so costly is all. Hmm. Well wish us luck.
Here is another watercolor piece from my class. It got my teacher fired up because he liked my wierdo friends and their look so he went photographing the hippidippy types over in Port Townsend with the braided beards and long hair and nose piercings. I once met an Alaskan native with his fathers inscribed nose bone. When he spoke it resonated strangely but what nice fellow!
Well enjoy my "classical" satyr here. He was a nice guy too at Orycon last year.




And my teacher, the elder fellow standing there, and his studio as well. My teacher is George Zien and he lets us draw once a week in his studio. The people in the pic are the regulars and the gal in the tie dye shirt is an oil painter of some renown in my area. The nude painting is our model for the day and it is my watercolor for that session. I just LOVE painting!!!!

This is one of my latest attempts at oils painting and fantasy. I think my faery has an ethnic look because I used a hispanic gal for it. I really like ethnic types. I like everyone really! But it's nice to try something new. I did a faery as an African American and have more to come. I have a lot of ideas. This one is more like a Queen Mab type going about looking more human at the moment and the wings are a bit short. Transitional maybe. and she is letting out her what? Minions, dustmites of love? It worked in the painting. I am just trying to understand oils at the moment.
Sorry the painting isn't perfectly photographed. I was having troubles with reflections of the glaze top coat. Still working on the final glazings.
I am working at trying different styles. Right now I am deciphering Donato Giancola's and Julie Bell's color usage. With whatever of Monika comes out of it too. I think all artist do this at first, try this or that application, style, or technique.
Hope she pleases you!

A couple of trips ago David came over and helped me get rid of some weeds. This one was a real doozy. I let it go because it just kept growing to about 6 foot 7 inches or there abouts. He helped me dispatch of this thistle rather nicely. What nice guy and helpful too.

Anyone here ever felt that after trying for years they just finally decide that having a
"divorce" from your family is the best way to move on with your life? I have been going through some deep soul work and came up with the inner voice saying, "time to move on and be your own person and stop trying to please those who don't believe anything you say anyway". I try to love what is left of my immediate family but I have come to conclude that not seeing them much, never hearing from them or getting an invite to to talk about things kinda tells it all. I have come to believe that my feelings are not valid or that my perception of life as a kid was all "wrong" and the comment "You didn't try to get to know our parents" just makes me think "fine I don't get to have an opinion but I don't have to be here either or talk to you about it".
How to you deal with totally dysfunctional parents that made you their caretaker from your earliest years? How do you deal with them when they just left you to figure out life without any teaching but GOD WILL HATE YOU IF YOU DO SUCH AND SO? Or the other parent saying "do what feels good and don't be such a goody" and if you get pregnant it's your damn fault. Or die of drugs or whatever.
I think now is the time for my complete and total break to freedom. I know I am kinda getting on in years but time doesn't make a difference. Just getting the crap out does.
I don't know if this explains it well but I get the feeling a lot of us connected here have had to deal with some real life challenges and was wondering about other thoughts.
I just know that to be me may mean to be free. Maybe that is why I was considering a tatoo or colored hair or piercings or something with statement of me. Then again I may not need any of this and just need to find my place in the sun and bask.

This has been a tough weekend. It was nice to have David Morgan come over and paint in my studio with me. We worked on our paintings, learned a lot, talked a lot and got to know each other better.
But... I totally miss my kitty. So do his kitty kin here. His playmate has been crying around the house for a week now. Can a cat really have real tears in it's eyes. He came next to me like his playmate Franklin did, and Jack just cried and cried and looked up at me with water filling his eyes. I am trying not to anthropomorphize this but he is really sad. He looks all over, goes out on the porch and scans the fields. He cries down in the studio for Franklin poking his nose in every room
Mom kitty is looking everywhere too. She is looking in every room, scanning the fields too then looks at me and says "mao?". I feel so unable to do anything. I can't bring him back. I can't explain it.
I am sad. I was soo very hard to go down and work in the studio this weekend. I miss Franklin's little churrs and mews. He was a talking cat. Super good natured and fun.
Gah, these are like my children. The ones I couldn't have. These little guys are my company all day alone in my studio.
I am slowly hurting less but I miss him and his great attitude so much. I miss his hugs and his ice cream/shake mooching.
Painting has been hard to do this week.

And in other news, I left my gallery today. I have learned a lot about Co op galleries. They are a loose confederacy of independent artists. Some very nice and others so stuck up I see the broom stick hanging out of their butts. You have to be in it for yourself. YOu don't make friends really. You pose and talk junk and act all that. Some are nice and helpful and into the "we're in this together" attitude. Others are not so. I am tired of competing with print makers and photographers, even though one of the people I really like is a photographer. She has her complaints too. She gets constantly pressured to bring in new photos every quarter and her complaint is, "it cost's me $50 per image to get printed and the sales are just not here folks!" She is talking of leaving too. She is full time work and part time school. Full schedule.
Co ops don't care when you sit just be there for a day or two a month. Problem is they cut the days in half and if you don't get a full day it's two days driving at high gas prices. I cannot afford that anymore. If i lived a couple blocks or miles away I wouldn't worry but a full hour's drive one way is just not doable anylonger. Do they understand this at the gallery? Some do most don't give a shit. And the costs go up and up.
Plus all the people I did get chummy with have gone. Left and never hear much from them. Just the occasionaly hello email. They have to find their way too.
I have decided that if I want to be a pro artist it is going to take all my energy to do so. These are fine tryout galleries but I don't recommend them as a steady diet. I don't know what it takes anymore to make art and get it sold. Mostly if you make a $10 item you will do well. Even a $30 piece of pottery will work well for you. I am not a potter, or a jeweler really. I can't stand making cards and magnets constantly. This person pretty much sums up my experience in her words
I was a member of an artist co-op for a year and found the experience more negative than positive (but it was a learning experience). If anything, I learned what NOT to do in terms of running a gallery. At the first gallery meeting I attended (after I was voted in unanimously), they raised the monthly fees (they had not told me that). Also, at this same meeting, two older women got into a heated “discussion” and almost came to blows. It primarily seemed a venue for the retirement-age crowd to fight with each other (especially the women, and I am female and while not retirement age, I am long past my 20’s). However, there were a few nice people in this gallery.

I would shop around before joining any cooperative. Just because one has been around a long time, does not mean it is automatically better than any newer ones in the area. I would do my year or two and get my solo show, then move on.

Sounds good but the entry fees or buy in fees of some of these galleries is $200. Ouch.

Let's see how the future goes. I hope to be more like an oil painter friend who is selling on the internet and through her web site.

I know now that for sure my kitty is gone. I went to the fields this evening and amazingly found his front right paw (hand?) and forarm. It was unmistakenly his, he was part Russian Blue and had very unique coloring in his grey fur. I had this strong premonition to look around a certain area of the field adjacent to ours, where he liked to play and hunt and I was walking along and stopped. Turned my head to look at the swingsets, then felt this very strong feeling to look down. There by my right foot was his arm. I just felt awful. I didn't want to find anything else so I stopped. It was enough to know he was gone, no more hope. I showed his arm/paw to the other cats, they took a long hard sniff and then backed away and went and moaned in the house for an hour. They know too now. They get it. They are freaked. They are upset. It won't be so fun any longer in the house. No more silly noisy playing and running and begging for ice cream. No more studio time and snuggy time with Franklin. Well, he did live to be 9 anyway. And a good age and he lived on His terms.
I am very sad now. My hubby and I feel terrible and sad but it is very hard living in the country. They say that coyotes never leave anything, any trace of their kills. Either this was a juvenile coyote or a bigger wildcat of some kind. I don't think bears eat cats but I am not sure.
I am going to show his photos just because I feel like memorializing him. His first photo as a kitten and my studio sleepy helper and the one just taken the day he died. He was a very good cat.

I have been taking a 4 day seminar in watercolor and I feel I may over saturate my colors. I am trying very hard to see art in softer tones. I wonder if I can do that? I am trying to stretch my wings in this. I need to try for lower contrasts or maybe softer tones. Warmth. Lighter? I am having troubles fathoming washes and the colors they create over each other. Ugh. I paint like an oil painter with watercolor. I want to be able to use the medium and all it's special qualities. This is going to take me some time and study. My easel and I will learn to know and love each other now. Whew. I haven't given up my oils though.

Here are a couple of pics of my works this week. One a self portrait the other my hubby hamming for me.